I just got back from visiting my family in Utah. After waking up at 3:30 and travelling ALL day... I finally made it home. I love seeing them, and it had been way too long (1 year!) A lot of things happened, and so its time to make a list:
What I did in Utah:
1. painted my niece's nails.
2. Played "go fish" with my nephew.
3. Had my 28th b-day. The kids decorated my cake... awww
4. Got hugs and kisses from the little and big guys.
5. Went ATVing! AHHHHHHH how fun!!!
6. had a "dance party" on my parents boat with my nephews.
7. Kissed pugs!
8. Went to a yarn shop in Logan. It was huge. I got a skein...
9. almost got abducted by a crazy man in SLC... scared the crap outta me.
10. knit knit knit my 3rd baby surprise.. stay tuned for picts.
OK- good list.
I really enjoyed seeing my sibling's kids. I just got super freaked out about having one. I am NOT pregnant or anything, but I dont think its that far off... BUT that trip made me question whether or not I even want to do it. KIDS. I just love my peace, my space, my freedom. I love the relationship Adam and I have, and I am not sure I want that to change. Am I being ridiculous? Does anyone understand? Whats wrong with me?
I guess I just was raised to think that my job in life is to have lots of babies. Its by "purpose". I just feel scared because I love my life. I dont want to have being kids be my LIfe... MY everything. I want to keep my life, keep my identity, keep my freedom. sigh.... maybe I will just made a bad mom. :(
OK- enough reflection. I hope you enjoy the pictures, and stay tuned for knitting pictures. pictures arnt working...will happen later
ALso, I am freeking out about meeting some of my favorite designers at Purl jam!
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- "Meems"
- I am a new mama of baby Olive. I also have 2 pug babies, Lucy and Mango. I enjoy knitting, crafting, music, cooking, shopping, socializing, and tv.
5 comments:
Oh you make me laugh. I love your post, you describe our baby thinking totally. You were always the one who knew you wanted the little ones (and we were counting on you!! ;) ). I was sure (or at least pretty sure it was a distinct possibility) that we weren't doing the baby thing, but after visiting baby A, we're like well maybe someday... right now we just really love our freedom. But who knows about some day if someday isn't too late... Oh life.. It's not so straight forward huh? Hope you had a great trip and a wonderful birthday!!!
There are TONS of people who know what you mean. I'm one of them. In fact, I've flat out decided no kids. Doesn't mean you don't like kids, I've got friends kids that I love and actually knit for but don't want any of my own that don't have four legs and are covered in fur!
youve been busy here! ok on to comment on your childbearing issues--- your kids dont have to take over your life. thats something that we need to maintain and remember. we as young mothers can maintain our identity while still raising children. people do it all the time, and so can we! we arent "breeding machines" like the culture that you were maybe raised to be in and thats totally ok. when your ready you will be ready and you will be the best mother in the world. that doesent mean you wont be scared or have reservations and doubt your ability. thats what life is about, facing the scary stuff and coming out a better person. youll be alright, i promise. thats all the encouragement you get from me right now. ill give you more when you realllllly need it :)
Have to be honest here...Ben has taken over my life. When you're not with them, you're worrying about them. But I'm OK with it because I'm in my frickin 40's! If I had had kids in my 20's there is no question I would be bitter. But that's just me. One problem with waiting, you may not get pregnant, or in my case, just only be able to have one. Life is full of those damn trade-offs!
I think your concerns are perfectly normal and appropriate. My only advice (assvice?) is to keep an open mind and get regular annual exams. Maybe even ask your doctor to do some extra tests just to keep an eye on your fertility until you make that final decision. (LH, FSH, progesterone, check for tubal patency, maybe a sonogram to take a peek at the ovaries)Don't shut either door until you're sure. Whichever way you go will be the right direction for you and your husband.
However, I also second Skeinky's concerns about waiting too long. I'm also one who found that getting pregnant wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. It was a struggle I wouldn't wish on anyone.
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